So.. this has been a bit of a process for me. Those who know me know that several years ago my physical health took a dramatic turn for the worse. My innocence was stolen at age 10 and thus followed a pattern of doing anything and everything I could to not feel alone and lost, after 20 years of repeated PTSD, many different types of anti depressants, pain killers and suicide attempts, my psychologist helped me to identify a pattern of pushing myself beyond all rational limits to avoid upsetting people until I break myself and crash, I pick myself up, put myself back together and then do it again. It’s a pattern I must break! What happened in childhood destroyed my sense of self worth and made me feel that I had to go to ridiculous levels to prove I deserve to be cared about. I actually permanently damaged both hands and my knee because I couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone that my job was damaging my body on a serious level, I was taking Naproxen and Co codamol everyday for four years as well as getting steroid injections in my hands and knee and wearing support braces, But I still wouldn’t stop, even after the first surgery. Eventually I was signed off work through so much immense body pain that I mentally and emotionally crashed. I had now developed Fibromyalgia and no one could tell me how or why or even how I could fix it… my brain crashed at this point, my whole life had been about trying to fix things and make them better and now I’m being told it can’t be fixed and truthfully I still don’t know what to do with that! The best as I can understand so far is that the severe trauma at the time when the female hormones are supposed to be focussing on development were put straight into a constant anxious state and my boxing it all up inside and shutting the lid until it all explodes out has somehow left my nerve signals in complete chaos.
Tipsyvixxen is in a way my own way of healing and reminding myself to take better care of me, but that to me feels selfish and I struggle with that, so I created the Therapist I would be if I could. I am Qualified (City and Guilds accredited) so I able to give accurate information regarding the subjects I am qualified in, everything else is my rationalisation of the world I’ve seen and the things I’ve tried, the people I come into contact with and how important I feel it is for others to be able to take care of themselves in a world that would charge for the air we breathe if they could find a way of metering it!!
Its been a bit of a journey learning to take better care of myself physically, mentally and emotionally and now I feel ready to share what I’ve learned in a way I feel is ethical and meaningful.
So take this Journey with me and Be Good to Yourself.